What do I really want for Christmas? Exploring different ways to gift and wish

Amber B. Garma

Gifts are an invaluable symbol of love, gratitude, and the desire to connect with other people. Gift giving can also be seen as counter-culture in a highly consumerist, transactional, and individualistic society — a resilient reminder that relationships and community ties make our lives better and happier. But in a world where everyone can buy anything with the swipe of a finger, do material gifts hold the same value? Or do our gestures of love get tangled up in unmet expectations, price tags, and way too much plastic packaging?

Last year, at exactly 11:59 PM on November 10, I hovered my index finger over Shopee’s festive checkout button. The night before, I had spent two hours picking out Christmas gifts for loved ones, alongside a few extra gifts for myself. By 11.11, my items were all loaded into the cart, ready to be showered with free shipping vouchers. I was proud of myself for getting Christmas shopping out of the way as early as November, for getting good deals, for finding the seemingly perfect gifts among an endless selection. But as they arrived one by one, covered in a year’s supply of bubble wrap and cardboard, I felt my satisfaction deteriorate. My pride in a good deal turned into an uneasiness, almost an embarrassment, that I had gotten my beloved sisters something so instant and impersonal, and that I had accumulated so much waste in the process. Even picking out their favorite snacks from the neighborhood grocery store and placing it in a bag might have felt more genuine.

And I’m about as uptight about wishlists as I am about gifts. My wishlists are always hyper-specific, sometimes even with measurements and online checkout links. I like knowing exactly what I’m getting. Anything else would be a waste — of resources for the giver, and of time for me, because I’d have to try to figure out how to utilize it in my very structured and deliberate life. But as much as I condition the people around me that if they must give me a gift, they should at least get me what I clearly ask for, I can’t help but feel giddy when I receive something I didn’t even think to want.

Holiday gifting and wishing seem to place me in multiple tight spots. I hate the waste that unexpected gifts can bring about, but love to be surprised by the thoughtfulness of people. I hate shopping, but I want my loved ones to feel that I’ve made an effort. These dilemmas ultimately stem from the fact that material gifts undeniably take center stage on the holidays, so much so that it’s difficult to separate the habit of overconsumption from the essence of the celebration. Encouraging overconsumption in any case is something that our planet (and maybe we ourselves) can honestly no longer afford, and maybe when Christmas rolls around this year, it’s time to explore different ways to gift and wish — with less waste and more meaning.

My obvious first thought was to say goodbye to material gifts — not just this Christmas, but forever. As good and righteous as it sounds in theory, I must say that I don’t think material gifts are evil, just like how I can’t ever say material possessions don’t also make my life easier and better. A postcard from a friend in another country, handmade art, an ornament from a thrift store that screams the receiver’s personality, a bunch of pen refills (Muji black 0.5, to any of my friends reading), are all such beautiful ways to show somebody that they are loved, remembered, and understood. At the same time, however, if we want our gifts to be truly reflective of the best parts about human connection, we must also look beyond the material: at experiences, memories, words, food, and service. As the famous saying emphasizes, the true essence of a gift is in the thought to give it, because it means that we are so overcome by our love for others that we will go out of our way to make their life better somehow. There are endless ways to encapsulate this feeling, and there are endless forms a true gift can take.

I’ve been thinking about alternatives to material gifts for quite a while now, and have also slowly incorporated it into my gift giving habits. My mother’s presents are almost always gift certificates to her favorite spa. I’ve given my best friend a premium subscription to a journaling app we both loved. I message coffee shops and ask if I can pay for a special someone’s drink in advance, so that he could be pleasantly surprised when he’s just about to take out his wallet. But here is a list I put together of gifts that I think are equally, or even more valuable than material ones.

1. Don’t worry, it’s on me. I personally cannot think of anything kinder than a free meal, especially when shared with the giver. Somebody telling me to just order what I want on a particularly hard week can honestly be enough to bring me to tears. Inviting a loved one to lunch or dinner and having it be your treat actually gives them two gifts: food and companionship. As an adult, most of our friendships are sustained by quick catch-ups over a meal, and this gift can remove the barriers that would normally hinder loved ones from showing up.
2. Food! You can never go wrong with getting somebody either their favorite food or something that you think they might really like. Food brings this instant feeling of relief and gratitude to somebody who maybe doesn’t have to think about their meal for the night or maybe can finally bring home some thing nice to the children or to their loved ones. Especially in the economy that we live in today, for somebody to go out of their way and buy you food is such a precious gesture. It is also such a huge part of Filipino culture to bring food every time there is an occasion, and I hope that this practice can still be kept alive by younger generations as well. The best part? It’s perishable!
3. Money or gift certificates. Even though everybody jokes about wanting money on Christmas, most people seem wary to actually give money, unless they are in an authority position like the head of the household, the grandfather, the boss, etc. For most it might seem like a thoughtless gift, or like the value that it brings to the person is too easy to identify. But money is one of the most practical gifts that will pretty much ensure that the person can get what they truly want or need. But at the same time, money doesn’t actually have to come in the form of money. Gift certificates have always been such a great idea and are something I appreciate a lot more in adulthood, both for giving and receiving. the receiver might be too. Contrary to actual money , gift certificates sort of force the receiver to treat themselves — to spend money on a want instead of a need. And again, it’s a low-waste option!
4. Appointments booked in advance. Similar to the gift certificate option, another great low waste gift idea is to pay for and maybe even schedule an appointment that somebody has been putting off for themselves. It’s pretty easy for all of us to procrastinate on handling the life stuff — whether it’s getting that long, overdue hair treatment, or paying a visit to the chiropractor or the dentist. But for somebody to take care of that appointment removes a lot of those barriers that hinder us from getting around to it. All the receiver needs to do is show up.
5. Free classes, online courses, e-books, learning materials. Up-skillingor learning new things is something that we often take a long time to justify as a necessity. Of course, it’s a worthy investment, but is it one that we should be making right now? This is why it can be really special to give somebody the opportunity to acquire knowledge at no cost to them, which can then help the receiver advance their careers, pick up a new hobby, or just have something to look forward to in their every day lives.
6. An experience they can share with you. If you feel like inviting someone to just share a meal just doesn’t cut it, why not take it a step further and invite the receiver to a fun experience — maybe even one that neither of you have done before. Invite them to a hike, a quick out of town excursion, an adult ballet class, a food tasting event — the list goes on! And if you can’t take care of the whole expense, try to lighten their load by covering some components, like entrance fees or transportation. If there’s anything I’ve learned as an adult, it’s that experiences and the memories we get to make with loved ones are far more special than any material object.
7. A heartfelt message. If gifts aren’t in the budget at all this year, then express your love the traditional way — through words. Sometimes we need some sort of reason or occasion to express how we feel towards somebody, whether romantic or platonic. And Christmas has always been one of is one of the best excuses to be sentimental. An unexpected message of gratitude and love from somebody, especially somebody you would not have expected to hear from, can be such a precious gift.
8. Art and handmade items. The world we live in demands that we constantly consume. This means that to create is to resist. Creating art is just as much a gift to ourselves as it is to the receiver. And if you have incredibly little faith in your own artistic abilities, support an artistic friend or a small business by commissioning art or buying artisan handicrafts!
9. Donations made in their name. Wondering what to get for somebody who has literally everything? Maybe they would appreciate you helping them give back instead. Tap a local charity and ask them if they can send a personalized certificate to make it official, or reach out to organizations that already have that option. The possibilities are endless — a tree planted in their name, a child’s school fees sponsored, a kilo of vegetables where an extra kilo is donated to stray dogs; this will hopefully inspire the receivers to pay it forward, too!
10. A favor or an errand. All of our loved ones have their own sets of personal struggles. Some might be suffering from mental health issues, while others might be juggling multiple jobs and responsibilities. Getting a long overdue errand out of the way for them, or offering your time on a weekend for a favor they need, is just as valuable a gift as anything else. Acts of service should be seen as gifts, too!

I’m sure there are many more creative, low-waste, and meaningful forms that a holiday gift can take. But in the end, the biggest lesson in this exercise of giving and wishing differently is that we need to put more conscious thought into the way that we live our lives. How, through the choices we make, can we be kinder to our planet? How can our actions and our relations with other people bring us closer to this dream of a beautiful and meaningful life? How can we preserve beauty, compassion, and love in a world that seems to want us to be selfish robots? Christmas puts on full display the best of humanity — the selflessness, hope, faith, joy, and immense belief in the goodness of others, echoed in every family get-together, every trip to the park to see the light display, every platter of puto bumbong eaten after church, every gift given, every person showed kindness to because it’s Christmas. This Christmas, let’s uncover these values within ourselves and continue to live them out, even after the lights come down and the last of the noche buena gets packed away.